Jeremy’s Journey: A Quiet Place, A Loud Mind
Guest Blog Post by Jessica Samborsky, Rural Minds Intern
Life on a family farm may look peaceful with the wide-open fields, deep connection to nature, a consistent routine, a slower pace compared to busy cities, and more. But for Jeremy McChesney, those same fields carry the emotional weight of experiencing loss, financial pressure, family struggles, and years of silent mental battles. His story is proof that even in rural communities, the fight for mental stability can be the hardest, yet the most crucial battle.
Jeremy is the youngest of three children and grew up on his family’s dairy farm in Chautauqua County, New York. Despite his rural upbringing, Jeremy considers himself an outlier. He had the opportunity to travel with his family, giving him a larger perspective beyond the boundaries of a rural life and was not raised with the expectation of becoming a farmer as his family recognized the difficulties of that lifestyle. Jeremy always knew he wanted to go to college, earning a bachelor’s degree in economics and an MBA from Canisius University.
Ironically, while pursuing his education, Jeremy decided to become a dairy farmer. He tends to thrive when being faced with doubt or difficulty from others. For 14 years, he worked remotely as a credit products analyst for Bank of America, all while managing the demands of dairy farming.
Jeremy has been openly gay since the age of 19. Growing up in a conservative area, he considers himself fortunate to have always had the support of his family. Still, being a gay man in a rural community during the 1990s was difficult, but his family's acceptance made it easier.
Although Jeremy remains close with his family, his relationship with his brother has been complicated. Fortunately, Jeremy is now in a better place, largely because he made the difficult but a necessary decision to prioritize his own well-being. “I'm in a good place because I have made the right choices for myself,” he explained. “It took a long time to get to the point where I was able to do what was right for me versus what's right for my family.”
The Impact of Rural Living on Jeremy’s Mental Health Journey
Mental health has always been prevalent in Jeremy’s life as both of his aunts were therapists. However, his first time seeing a therapist outside of his family was when he was in college. Since then, therapy has become a vital tool in his life and he finds it more effective than medication at times.
Recently, Jeremy began Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, a psychotherapy technique utilized to help individuals process traumatic memories. “My mother pushed me to do the EMDR trauma type therapy and it's really helped me figure out exactly what things I needed to face,” he observed. “I felt like once I faced my demons, I'm pretty much unstoppable.” It has changed his life despite being the hardest form of therapy he has ever done and has helped him gain more clarity and healing than anything else he has ever tried.
Jeremy also enjoys visiting his friends that live in big cities. Even with a packed schedule, these visits give him something to look forward to. He’s learned that when he doesn’t make time for himself, it leads to a downward spiral. Whether it’s a lunch out, a trip to the beach, or other activities with family and friends, these small moments have made a major difference in helping him stay grounded.
Stigma as a Barrier to Mental Health Care in Rural America
Jeremy never experienced the kind of stigma around mental health that many others in rural communities often face. While many individuals growing up in small, rural towns struggle to seeking mental health care, Jeremy recognizes how fortunate he was to have both the resources and support system.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, Jeremy has faced severe financial challenges on his farm. As a second-generation farmer, the weight of preserving his family’s legacy became overwhelming. He felt that he was failing with the farm and his father’s life’s work. For many farmers, especially those running small family farms that have been passed down for generations, the pressure to succeed is massive. When things go wrong, it’s not just being worried about losing a business, but it feels like a failure to generations of the family. That emotional burden can quickly deteriorate one’s mental health. Jeremy also believes there is a strong stigma surrounding mental illness in rural farming communities. Admitting to mental health struggles often leads to judgement, with people being faced with comments that lead to a feeling of shame. This can discourage people from seeking help, further isolating them when support is needed.
A Turning Point on the Path to Healing
A specific turning point for Jeremy was when he finally stood up to his brother. After the passing of his father, Jeremy faced both verbal and physical abuse from his older brother who tried to take control of the farm that Jeremy owned. Although the tension had existed for years, it wasn’t until a couple of years later that Jeremy was able to stand up for himself, which marked the beginning of rebuilding his self-confidence.
EMDR therapy has played a crucial role in his healing process. “I did the things I had to do for myself and EMDR therapy has also helped me feel like I'm almost sort of back to myself or even my best self,” Jeremy reflected. Before reaching this point, Jeremy often shut off his emotions as a means of survival, especially while being overmedicated. It wasn’t until he changed his medication that he started to reconnect with his feelings. However, being able to feel things more has resulted in increased sensitivity and reactivity, which is a challenge he is now actively working through.
Support Systems and Mental Health Resources Impacting Jeremy’s Journey
Jeremy’s mother encouraged him to join NY FarmNet, a decision that has saved him during one of the most challenging periods of his life. At the time, he was overwhelmed, struggling to manage the farm’s finances while also having a job at a bank. NY FarmNet played a crucial role in helping him face the financial reality of his situation and also support his mental health. It offers both a business consultant and a mental health component, which is entirely free to all farmers and farms in New York.
Yet, many individuals remain unaware of the resources available to them. Jeremy is grateful that organizations like NY FarmNet and Rural Minds exist, recognizing how critical they are for individuals living in rural areas. He hopes to see continued growth in awareness and accessibility of these resources.
According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention research, young people who grow up in rural areas are nearly 74% more likely to die by suicide than those in urban areas. This statistic emphasizes the concern that younger individuals in rural areas are exposed to certain risk factors that come with being a part of a rural community, including limited access to mental health resources, stigma associated with seeking help, and social and geographical isolatation. This statistic also underscores the need for Rural Minds to continue its work providing mental health resources and confronting the mental health challenges and stigma that surround mental illness in rural America.
Advice for Rural Youth Facing Mental Health Challenges
Growing up, Jeremy experienced a very different world than the one young people experience today especially when it comes to being open about sexuality. At the time, he noted, there were very few LGBTQIA+ characters on television with very little representation. While representation has improved in recent years, Jeremy knows that it’s still not easy for kids today. His message is to “stay true to yourself, stand up for what you believe in, and never be afraid to show who you are.” Jeremy has now reached a point in his life where he makes it a constant priority to be his authentic self. The more authentic he has become, the more honest he is with others in terms of his own thoughts and feelings.
About the Author
Jessica Samborsky is a psychology major and public health minor at The College of New Jersey. She has gained experience through internships with Rural Minds, Pfizer, and Medallion Care Trenton, LLC. Passionate about advancing mental health, Jessica plans to pursue a career in clinical psychology.