Overcoming Mental Health Challenges and Farm Family Expectations

By Ellen Butterfield

What happens behind closed doors can be scary, especially when you’re a child. Many years of my youth were spent in spiraling cycles of depression and anxiety that affected both my physical and mental health. My parents divorced at age five, which lead to my siblings and me splitting households for most of my childhood. During this same timeframe, my grandparents passed away unexpectedly. With insurance limitations and minimal access to mental health resources such as therapy, I turned to spending more time at my family’s dairy farm to keep my mind off things.

Growing up on a dairy farm gives you a fulfilling perspective on life. I’ve watched life begin and end in the barn, raised baby calves up into milking cows and exhibited cattle at livestock shows throughout my life. When it came to playing sports, going to school activities and spending time with friends, I always put chores on the farm first. Time and time again, I chose the farm over my own personal well-being until I was faced with the decision most farm kids dread: Do I stay working on the farm after high school or do I go to college and pave my own path?

Farm kids face a tremendous amount of pressure during this stage of life, and I was no stranger to this. With no siblings or cousins interested in taking over the farm, the mental struggle of knowing keeping the farm alive relied in my hands was almost too much to bear.

After months of receiving college acceptances and scholarships, I made the difficult decision to leave the family farm to experience life at the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities. My parents supported my decision to leave the farm, double major in agricultural degrees and join campus organizations. They were proud of my ability to study abroad, club achievements and academic commitment after I became fully emerged in campus life.

On the other hand, my uncles did not support my decision to leave the farm. My uncles’ mentalities of “I stayed on the farm my whole life, and she should too,” caused a divide in our family and several arguments. While I came home every Friday to feed calves and milk the afternoon group of cows, I still found myself feeling like a disappointment and a failure to my family for not staying on the farm.

As the years went on, I realized the importance of taking advantage of mental health resources, including various group activities at my college campus. In addition to this, I saw resources became more widely available in my rural community than what I had access to in my younger years. As more people began to share stories of their mental health struggles and journeys, I finally understood I wasn’t alone and it has helped me to overcome the stigma surrounding such a sensitive topic.

After years of suffering alone from severe depression, anxiety and a negative relationship with food, I sought out help from a professional who accepted all forms of insurance and made me feel comfortable. Seeking help was one of the best decisions I ever made. I have a more positive outlook on relationships with people around me, including my family, and better focus on my career and day-to-day life.

I have been seeing a professional for over a year now, I can tell you that it gets better. The hardships slowly fade from your mind. Three of the most important lesson I have learned are:

1.    Life is too short to dwell on the past.

2.    If you need help don’t be afraid to ask.

3.    Your life matters, that’s why you are here.

Today, I’m happy to see more organizations like Rural Minds bringing awareness to the stigma and helping others in similar situations I have experienced. Being a farm kid is tough, but it brings valuable knowledge to your career and life. No matter what decision you make, to stay on the farm or to pursue a different career, choose what will bring the most fulfillment and you’ll never “work” a day in your life.

Ellen Butterfield is a public relations specialist at Curious Plot where she works with clients in the crop protection, equipment and livestock segments. Her passion for agriculture stems from her upbringing on her family’s dairy farm and involvement from an early age in 4-H, FFA and the local Dairy Princess program. She is a graduate of the University of Minnesota – Twin Cities and holds degrees in agricultural communication and marketing and animal science.